Hidden away in our storage room is a massive bin of time capsules.

These are my journals consisting of messy writing, desperate prayers, and useless details, along with my dated day planners holding menial tasks, including which days I washed my hair—thank you dry shampoo!

But they also chart a path through the terrain of a heart growing from a child to a woman and a wife to a mother.

These bound pages tucked away as keepsakes are intricate maps revealing struggles and successes.

Socrates’ overstatement, "An unexamined life is not worth living," reminds me of Psalm 90:12, “Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”

As accountants of our souls, we take inventory by looking back before we move forward.

With my 38th birthday at the end of this month, I'm pausing to recalibrate by reviewing my heart's journey this last year.

Emily P. Freeman's posture in her guided journal has influenced these questions, and I continue to use her journal for monthly and seasonal reflections. I am not sure if I will ever read all of my old journals or day planners, but they have helped me process each season, to cherish the life God has given me, and to discern my next right thing.

Here is a list of questions you can ask at your birthday, or whenever you choose—like right now!

10 Birthday Questions

1) What was life-giving this year?

Take time to scan through pictures, journals, cards, day planners, etc., and gather a list of things that have filled, revived, or inspired you.

Here’s my list:

• Our big family breakfasts every Saturday

• Family field trips with our unit studies

• Hosting neighbors multiple times

• Family camping trips

• Summer walks & bike rides

• Overnight girls trip with thrift store finds

• Reading all the books!!!

• Date nights & sex (yes, I’m allowed to say this)

• My little reading/writing nook

• Church ladies group on Zoom

• Daily rhythms of renewal (devotions, exercise, Sabbath…)

• Hosting quarterly events for homeschool moms

• Joining a worship team after a 12-year pause

• Trip to Vancouver with my sisters

2) What was life-draining this year?

Again, scan your phone, etc., to gain reminders and insights.

Here’s my list:

• Grandma Esther's death -January

• Mom's breast cancer-May

• Dad's AML diagnosis-November

• Disagreements with Benj (yes, we are human)

• Sibling rivalry (yes, our children fight)

• COVID-19 restrictions & political division

• Global fear-mongering & ‘cancel’ culture

• Anxiety about my children getting hurt

• Uncertainty about the future

3) What questions am I carrying into this next year?

Emily P. Freeman says:

When we have questions, it’s natural to want answers. Instead what we usually get are arrows: not a full answer, but maybe one next right thing.

What questions are you carrying?

My questions:

• Am I balancing caring for my parents and my family well?

• Should I continue home educating my kids?

• Am I taking good enough care of my health?

• When is a good time to start a master's program?

• Or should I develop a book proposal first?

• Who will become the new lead pastor at our church?

4) What book impacted me the most this year?

At the risk of sounding too pious, of all the stacks of books I’ve read over the last year I pick the Bible! The more I read the Bible the more I am humbled by complexities in theology and the more I am comforted by the simplicity of God's love.

5) What movie or show impacted me the most this year?

My husband and I went through the Lord of the Rings trilogy and the Hobbit over the last couple of months. These battles between good and evil, light and darkness, wholeness and brokenness, reflect the intensity of the beauty and struggle I want to capture as I share words. We too are all in our own epic battles and our next decision IS critical.

6) What was my favorite thing to listen to?

I listened to every single insightful conversation with leaders in business and ministry on Carey's Nieuwhof's leadership podcast!

7) What was my hardest moment this year?

I was wrecked both times when I learned of my parents' cancer diagnoses.

8) What was my most cherished moment this year?

I cherish that freezing cold moment when our Zerbin family gathered outside my parents' home right after Christmas for a quick photo, the day after our dad came home after an intense month in the hospital. This beautiful family photo depicts the richness of family and the deep pain of this ongoing health crisis.

9) What was my biggest struggle this year?

My biggest struggle was feeling torn, not always knowing what truly was the next right thing when there were so many essential needs surrounding me.

I'm sensing, more and more, that still small voice that led me to my mantra for 2022: “do the next right thing in love.” Because of this posture, I find I am connecting with Jesus in my lower or more desperate moments and experiencing a deeper relationship with Him. He is guiding me in the day-to-day and carrying my burdens.

10) What was my greatest joy this year?

Continuing with what I shared in the last answer, it has been a gift to grow in more trust in who God is and I feel so passionate about sharing the incredible hope I have with others—even in this hard season!

As we look back we begin to trace themes and find connections in our lists.

I held back tears as the plane I was on descended into Vancouver, where I would spend the weekend with my sisters. I had just finished the first draft of this blog post and felt the rawness of this reflective work.

While I experienced supernatural grace and strength through this tough year, I could see why my tender heart needs extra care. It has been through a lot. Most of us can say this right now, for many different reasons, and for many of the same reasons…

I was reminded why I need to be extra kind and gentle to myself, practicing all my good soul care routines, but also ensuring I pursue inner healing through counseling and prayer ministry.

We will talk more about inner healing with Michelle Dwyer, author of Fierce Hope, on March 11th at our next quarterly event.

While these events are designed with the homeschooling mom in mind, please feel welcome to join us for this conversation on Zoom, no matter your stage of life!

Whether it be in a daily journal or as you watch the sunrise, pausing to look back and listen is the reflective work that can not just guide your next step but be a gift for your next season.

Do you have a habit or practice for daily, monthly, or yearly reflection?

Share your thoughts in the comments if you'd like!